Real Women I Know

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a spoken word peice but I came across this one entitled ‘real women I know’ by Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai.

Have a listen:

Love Actually Is All Around

If you know me or have read this blog more than once, you may have noticed that I often feel/write about being overwhelmed with the world’s problems. Patriarchy, racism, hungry, war, violence against women, abuse, abilism, homelessness… the list seems never-ending. There are periods in my life where I am very active in combating these issues whether it is through volunteering or working at my job. There are other periods where I feel afraid, sad, and can’t face it all in fear that I might have a nervous breakdown. Apparently I’m fragile like that.

Today a friend is coming home from Taiwan to visit for the holidays and for another good friend’s wedding. We (the six friends left behind while she traveled the world) are going to the airport to see her and welcome her home. I’m sure there will be tears and lots of hugging. There will be lots of LOVE there and I can’t help but think of the opening scene of the movie Love Actually, which in my opinion has the best opening scene of any movie… ever. It actually makes me want to cry every time I watch it.

Love actually is all around us  and sometimes we just have to look harder to find it. It is too easy to see only the evils of the world and be swarmed with misery. I have been trying to see the love, to see the good and be swarmed by them instead.

Saturday night we hosted the fifth annual wine and cheese at my home. It is one of my favorite events each year. Our small apartment was FILLED with many of the people I love. Later on in the evening I sat around a pub table with some friends I grew up with and one of my brothers. We laughed so hard as we remembered events and planned for a trip we are all taking together soon. I was so happy sitting there with them because I knew as crazy as we each are we would do anything for each other because we love each other…

I have a photo in my kitchen of one of my brothers and me from his birthday a few years ago. It was when we started to become not just family but friends as well.  Below it is a small card I wrote to my partner the day we got married.  It is small mementos of this kind that remind me of the love that exists all around me. I just sometimes need a little reminder.

I hope you too can see that love actually is all around you…

You never regret a work-out

My health motto use to be, ‘nothing tastes at good as being thin feels’. Awful eh? I read it somewhere once in my early teens and it stuck with me. I should say it haunted me and I felt guilty every time I ate something. Anything. It played into my fears as a young woman of my body and of not being good thin enough. 

Recently a friend, shared me with that you never regret a work-out and I have replaced my out-dated and horrible motto of my youth.

I joined a gym on Oct 29th of this year and have been running steadily two or three times a week. The benefits have been huge. I have more energy, I am less tired, I am stronger and my mood has improved. I still eat whatever I want… most days. The motto has held true and I don’t regret the time I spend working out. I also don’t feel guilty about what I eat. It’s a nice balance.

There is a war against women’s bodies that is waged daily and it is not concerned with women’s health. Women are not encouraged bagered to be thin for health but instead to meet an unrealistic beauty ideal. This war is killing people.

It is sad to think that there are many people in the world starving to death because they have no access to food and that there are many people in the world starving to death for beauty.

If I run everyday and eat only healthy foods I am NEVER going to be a size four. It just won’t happen because of my natural body weight and shape but as a size ten woman I am made to feel guilty about this. It is sometimes a daily struggle to let go of an ideal that I know is unrealistic and unfair but the pressure seeps in and I feel guilty.

Imagine how different our world would be if we spent as much time focused on social justice as we do on beauty and weight.

Are you kidding me?

Roman Polanski is out on $4.5 millon dollar bail – are you kidding me?

NaNoWriMo Flop

So NaNoWriMo was a disaster. I didn’t get the 50,000 words completed. I barely got 15,000… *SIGH*

Apparently I don’t do well with creative deadlines. Who would have thought, I’m usually so organized.. and on time… ha ha…

So it’s back to the old routine, write when I’m inspired and it’s time to revamp this blog it’s been a bit blah since I started NaNoWriMo.

On the plus side my entire manuscript is at 70 pages, considering in September I was only at 12 pages I’d say this is a success. If I can keep up this pace in six months I should be done my book!

I’m not holding my breathe… I don’t do well with timelines.

Babies like to breathe…

Bad quality but oh so funny….

Whatever works

My partner and I watched Whatever Works (Woody Allen and Larry David) last night and while it prompted this post it also put my partner to sleep.

Recently I have been feeling overwhelmed with life so I haven’t been doing much of anything. I haven’t blogged, I haven’t written, but I have been exercising because it doesn’t require thinking. Thinking makes me feel overwhelmed because I think about all the nasty, crusty things that happen in life and I am paralyzed with fear of not being able to do anything to stop or change it. This movie was a breath of fresh air because it acknowledges that we’re a failed species (larry David’s words not mine) and in it’s own strange way it gave me hope. Well first it depressed the hell out of me, I went to bed at 10:00 and then I felt better.

Larry David’s character in Whatever Works thinks life is meaningless, he hates people and love but his life model is… whatever works. There are two quotes that really stuck with me; the first quote is “People make life so much worse than it has to be” and “Whatever love you can get and give, whatever happiness you can provide, every temporary measure of grace… whatever works”.

I’ve been going through a period of my life where I am trying to figure out who I am, what I want to be and how I want to live my life. I’ve also been holding myself to such unrealistic expectations. I am bound to screw up but when I am I’m not extending the grace and love that I would to others. I think this has a lot to do with my job (where most days I want to punch myself in the face), it is killing my soul.

I feel like I’m doing a poor job of communicating how this movie motivated me.

 It gave me reassure that I can live life in my sloppy way and not worry about contradicting myself and changing my mind… whatever works. Life is too short to get caught up on appearances and trying to impress other people with how socially just I am or in other circles how holy I am.

Whatever works… thanks Woody Allen, you creepy perverted old man.

 

*SIDE NOTE*

My favorite scene from this movie is when Larry David’s character releases he is dying… have a look.. ha ha…

NaNoWriMo Lethargy??

The cure is always bad dancing.

Put on your favorite song, it doesn’t even have to be a song with a good beat, it just needs to be a song that inspires you. Turn up the volume… turn it up louder… just a bit more… now DANCE.

Throw away everything you know about dancing along with all your fears of dancing. Everyone is good at bad dancing because you don’t need to worry about beat or rhythm. Just move.

Really fast running on the spot followed by a few high kicks feels really good.

Or power squats mixed with kung-fu punches really gets the blood pumping.

It also helps if nobody is watching, or if they are watching that they will like you no matter how dumb you look and trust me you will look dumb but you’ll feel great.

NaNoWriMo Update

My blog posts have been lacking because I’ve been spending as much time as possible writing for NaNoWriMo, I’ve also been home these past two days feeling like ass and haven’t felt like writing.

 I am falling slightly behind in my daily goals for NaNoWriMo and am only at 11,148 words. My entire manuscript is at 24,700 which means I am a quarter done my book!!

Off for a nap and then hopefully some writing….

A lesson in humility

Life, or the divine if you will, sure has a way of keeping me humble.

Last month I blogged about Roman Polanski and how disgusted I was with the Hollywood community for coming around to support him despite his guilt in the sexual assault of a thirteen year old girl. I wrote this post on Thursday during the day, then later that evening I received news that an acquaintance of mine was being charged with two sexual offenses. While I was not close with this acquaintance, he was near and dear to several people who are important to me. Before I had a change to process all this, he took his own life two days after being charged. This news was obviously devastating to his community and many took to electronic means of expressing their grief. While the reality of what he had been charged with two days earlier was not lost on them, they chose to remember the man they knew and loved. Extending grace to him. They remembered that we all make mistakes.  They didn’t pass judgement, they just loved because what else can we do? Don’t we all deserve at least that?

This is the part that keeps me humble.

The accused is always the relative to someone. They are usually the friend of someone. The neighbour of someone else. I often struggle to see the human behind the crime. I just see the actions that took place. I am the judge and jury. So while I still stand behind my earlier sentiments that art does not justify rape (in the case of Roman Polanski), this experience taught me a lesson in humility. It taught me to not forgot the family and friends that are also grieving the loss of the person they once knew whether this is due the criminal justice system or to death. Everything changes when it is someone you know.

I must think to myself what if this had been my son, my brother, my friend? It’s a hard question to answer but a reality for many.